


Idiots...

by Mylifeisactuallyamess



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, They Are Idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 23:48:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30097017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mylifeisactuallyamess/pseuds/Mylifeisactuallyamess
Summary: Basically they spent three weeks being idiots.
Relationships: poe dameron x reader
Kudos: 1





	Idiots...

You stood at the entrance to the cave watching the sun rising over the tall trees on the planet Ajan Kloss. The Resistance had been here for a few weeks now and it seemed a decent hiding place from the First Order, for now anyway. You gripped the cup of caf in your hands as the first rays of the day shone into the cave, the sky was tinged with a light golden hue as the small clouds hung lazily in the atmosphere, today was going to be another hot day which you didn’t mind. You cocked your head at the sound of a ship and you recognised it instantly, the Falcon was back which meant  _ he _ was back. The sound of the ion engines powering down filled you with dread as you pictured Poe Dameron in your mind, his dark messy curls and his smouldering brown eyes making your heart heavy. Poe was the love of your life but this war had ripped you apart, with him risking his life everyday you couldn’t take it anymore, the worry of him not returning pushed you to a breaking point. You had rowed it was your biggest row and the entire base had heard, not that you cared. With a sigh you downed the last of the caf and your feet dragged as you headed to the conference room, you still had a job to do. 

You concentrated on Finn as he briefed everyone on the mission and Poe stood to the side, his arms crossed as he let his friend do the talking. Since the evacuation of D’Qar and the Battle of Crait Poe had changed and you could finally see the leader that Leia wanted him to be coming out in him and it made your heart ache all the more. You were proud of him and maybe you breaking off your relationship had been what he needed to really focus on his duty. As you listened you couldn’t help your gaze slowly drifting to Poe, his arms crossed over his broad chest, the necklace with his mother’s ring hanging from it resting on top of his shirt and you felt another pang knowing now that ring would go to someone else. You let out a small sigh and you saw Snap look at you quickly a frown on his face and you quickly schooled your expression. You flinched slightly as Poe addressed the group in his Commander voice but you couldn’t concentrate on what was being said as his voice rolled over you and you tried to fight the rising well of sadness inside you. The briefing ended and you felt someone grab your arm dragging you out of there. 

‘Snap…’

‘You need to stop.’ You pulled your arm free and let some people walk past before fixing your gaze onto him.

‘Stop? Stop what?’ You hissed. 

‘You let him go, stop being all doey eyed over him.’ 

‘I’m not having this conversation…’ you went to walk round him but he spun you back to face him. 

‘This isn’t healthy.’

‘What do you want me to do? I can’t just turn off my feelings, they don’t just wink out existence! I can’t calibrate them to be stable! I…..’ you stopped as more people walked past you and you knew Poe would be coming out next and you didn’t want to be here when he did. ‘Just leave me alone Snap.’ This time he didn’t stop you and you walked faster as you heard Poe greet his friend, you didn’t stop until you made it back to your room locking yourself in the refresher you finally allowed yourself to feel. You sat heavily on the floor as the sobs took over your body and you brought your knees up resting your forehead on them. Maybe if you curled yourself up enough you could hold yourself together, that worked right? You rubbed your wet face on your trousers as you rocked slightly feeling the permanent crack in your heart hurt more now than when it happened. You hated yourself sometimes, how you couldn’t just let him do what he did for the Resistance, you had to love him so much that it drove you insane when he didn’t check in or he didn’t return on time. You hated that you loved him too much. You heard a noise and looked up sharply, wiping your eyes hurriedly to try and disguise the fact you were crying. 

‘Hello?’

‘It’s me.’ You closed your eyes as a fresh wave of sadness threatened to engulf you just at the sound of his voice. He said your name and you could tell he was sitting just the other side of the door. 

‘Do you need me for something?’ You winced at the waver in your voice hoping he didn’t hear it as silent tears now spilled down your face. 

‘No.’ You waited for him to say more but he didn’t and you shuffled closer to the door imagining him sitting resting his head and back against the door, his leg cocked and his arm resting on his knee with his eyes closed. You leaned against the door wishing you were really snuggled against him and another silent sob beat your chest as you put a hand over your mouth. ‘You ok in there?’ You could tell by his voice he had heard you crying and you wondered why he had come to find you, neither of you had really spoken after your row a few weeks ago and you had told yourself it was better that way. A clean break and all. 

‘Yeah,’ you heard him shift against the door probably matching your position now and you placed a hand up resting it on the cool surface. 

‘Will you talk to me?’ 

‘Poe…’

‘Please, you didn’t really let me have a say when….when you broke it off.’ The strain in his voice tugged at your heart and you found yourself reaching up to unlock the door. At first nothing happened but slowly the door slid open to reveal Poe’s tear stained face. Seeing him like that broke something inside you and you covered your face with your hands as fresh sobs took over. His hands were on you in an instant, his voice breaking as he whispered in your ear, you clutched onto his shirt as his familiar comforting scent washed over you. Your lips collided desperately as you looked for comfort in the only person who could provide it for you. He kissed you just as passionately, his hands pulling you to his body as he craved to feel all of you at once. He mumbled your name against your mouth as he scrunched his face up trying to curb the new tide of tears that threatened to wash over him. Your mind tumbled with all the things you wanted to say;  _ I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, I want you back, I’m sorry, don’t leave me, I love you…. _ But you couldn’t bring yourself to say them, you couldn't get past the obstruction in your throat, Poe stole the very air from your lungs as he lavished his full attention on your lips and body. You could feel yourself responding, you never stopped loving him, you never stopped wanting him, never stopped needing him. His hands held you with such care like he was worried you were going to break as he cupped your face gently wiping the fresh tears off your face. 

‘I can’t do this anymore…’ he whispered his warm breath fanning over your face as he pulled away slightly. ‘I can’t bear the thought of you finding someone else, I can’t live like this…live without you.’ His voice cracked again and you caught the tear that slid down his cheek. You tried to think of something to say, you tried to speak to reassure him but you still couldn’t get the words out and you felt your heart shatter as the light faded in his eyes as he realised you couldn’t say these things back to him. You felt cold as his hands left your face, he sat back on his heels and he nodded as if telling himself this was for the best. 

‘Poe…’

‘No it’s ok. You made it perfectly clear how you felt a few weeks ago.’ You didn’t miss the bitter tone in his voice as he went to get off the floor but you grabbed his arm finally finding the strength to speak. 

‘I love you.’ He gave you a watery smile but he didn’t make a move towards you. 

‘I know,’ he sighed and rubbed his face, the sound of his stubble against his calloused hand sounded loud in the small space. 

‘I’m sorry oh god Poe I’m so sorry!’ He watched you for a second but unable to leave you crying he pulled you back to his chest. He waited for you to calm down before speaking again, your face was pressed against his chest as he gently stroked your hair. 

‘I’ve struggled these past few weeks,’ you tensed your arms around him in a reassuring squeeze. ‘Not having you to come back to has been the hardest.’ He moved you slightly, his hand tilting your chin so you were forced to look into his tear filled eyes. ‘I know I’m reckless and I know I will do whatever it takes for the Resistance but….I always thought of you and if I didn’t think I could make it I wouldn’t do it.’ 

‘You did?’ He nodded as he gazed adoringly at you. 

‘But you didn’t let me say that,’ he whispered. ‘You went off and thought you knew it all as per.’ 

‘So…’

‘So it means we wasted at least three weeks being sad and angry at each other just because we love each other.’ 

‘So we‘re idiots?’ You asked and he smiled at you before kissing you gently.

‘Well, you’re clearly the bigger idiot than me...ow!’ He recoiled as you pinched him but you couldn’t help the stupid grin that spread across your face and he captured your lips in another kiss.

‘So what happens now flyboy?’ You bit your lip as he grinned back at you, a dark look clouding his eyes a look he only ever gave you. 

‘We make up for lost time.’ He slammed the door shut and you hoped no one would come looking for you anytime soon because he was going to keep you busy for a few hours at least.


End file.
